Novas Frases de Groucho Marx

"All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats."

"And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it."

"Humor is reason gone mad."

"I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30."

"I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt."

"I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract."

"I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."

"I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining."

"I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course."

"If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again."

"In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom."

"Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!"

"My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something."

"Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you."

"No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early."

"Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does."

"The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths."

"When I was young I was amazed at Plutarch's statement that the elder Cato began at the age of eighty to learn Greek. I am amazed no longer. Old age is ready to undertake tasks that youth shirked because they would take too long."

"Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy."

"Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough."

"Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication."

"You're a brave man. Go and break through the lines. And remember, while you're out there risking your life and limb through shot and shell, we'll be in here thinking what a sucker you are."